Things have been moving quickly. This moth has flown by with the blink of an eye, I can’t keep up with the days passing. Ben and I decided that moving to Utah was not the best move for us, he wants to finish flight school and I have no clue what I want to do. So, currently we are in the process of finding a home for us and our dogs in Ohio. We plan to move next summer. He took a new job & he gets to stay in Dayton now instead of traveling every week. June 5 is his start date, I am so excited to have him home all the time. We just returned from Montana on Monday. It was BEAUTIFUL! We are also engaged, so happy to say that. June 20th, the first day of summer, I will be a wife! I never expected to be so happy to say that. There is truly nothing in the world that could make me so happy to say. I will be a Cooper! We are just doing a court house wedding & then June 22, 2013 we are going to have a big wedding and go all out. Lots of things are changing for me & I think it’s safe to say that my life is finally falling into place. Things are going MY way for once, while some things are still a mess, most things are right. 

I am a very lucky woman.

My ring is off getting sized & cleaned so I only have a stock photo right now. When it comes back next week I will post more.

Here we are on top of a water fall in Glacier National Park.

Benton Lake, Montana. 

My honey passed out after our long hike that day. This is love. He is so precious.

Only 3 more days until Ben is back in Ohio! <3

I regret no choices I make now, I would rather make a million mistakes than grow old not making any. My biggest regret would be not having regrets as a young adult.

Just a little thought weighing on my mind today.

A few years ago, probably more like 5 years ago. I promised myself that I would never have a comfort zone any longer. My comfort zone would be gone forever. This was one of the greatest choices I have made in my life. While it has brought me some severe bumps in the road and incredible heart ache. I can still stand here and say I’m proud of myself for keeping with that promise. My boyfriend though, he is 27 years old and hasn’t moved from his comfort zone at all. Not even an inch. We are going through a bit of a struggle in our relationship currently because of that. I know everything is going to work out, but I don’t know how to encourage him to be the best man he can be, the man I know he can be if he would allow himself to make a mistake or two. I don’t want him to be like me, I take my free spirit too far sometimes. He keeps me level headed, I love that about him. I just want to keep his feet moving instead of getting stuck in one spot for years. My biggest fear though is that if I keep pushing him, he will resent me. When is too far, too far? When do I know if he’s starting to get upset with me? He’s the type of man who would never tell me that I’m driving him crazy. I can read him for the most part, but right now, today I can’t. Recently, I dropped my whole life to move to Utah with him. I am just sitting around waiting on that move date, it’s actually supposed to be in 3 weeks. Last night, he came to me and said, “What if I don’t want to take this job any longer?”. Of course I will support him with whatever choice he makes. He’s scared he’s going to hate it, he’s scared to move 1,600 miles from everyone we love, he’s scared we won’t make enough money, he has all these fears and they are valid. But, what if he wakes up one day and he’s 45 years old and still living in our hometown that he complains about, what if the job he has right now lays him off, there isn’t much job security with it. I am stuck, I do not know what to do to encourage him, I don’t know what to do to tell him it’s okay to make a major mistake, if we don’t take any chances in life how we will know what a mistake is? How will we know if the mistake was staying in Ohio? We won’t. I’ve got to show him that life is beautiful out there, Ohio will always hold our hearts, Ohio will always be the place we both call home, nothing will replace that feeling. Utah could very well be the place that is OUR home. Our children’s home. Our lives together.

I’m sitting in a hotel room in Denver, CO right now as I type this. He is away at his contract signing to discuss money and things. We catch a flight at 6:30pm to Provo, Utah. Tomorrow we look at places to live, cities, our future home…if he allows himself to feel what living is.

As I write this I realize how much my life has seriously changed in the past 8 weeks. It’s amazing how quickly everything can change, how much your everyday thoughts turn into thinking about many other things you wouldn’t imagine having to worry about, rejoice in, or ponder for a few more years. I started dating a long time friend a few months ago, there was a moment on our second date where I knew everything I had been unsure about in my life became clear. We were standing in front of the lemur exhibit at a zoo. I can’t tell you what the significance of that is, I can only say that in this second of time when he looked over to me; I actually knew what things were about, the things that kept me awake at night didn’t seem to matter. I let my guard down and I had my “Big Fish” moment. For two and a half years my heart was missing something, I blamed my ex, Tony for this feeling. I loved him, he didn’t love me anymore. I was so distraught over him. I never really loved Tony, I don’t think I was hung up on Tony. I was hung up on the thought of never being able to love someone. The man I would love was right in front of me. I’ve never had that security of 100% knowing the man I want, wants me. He has no doubts that he loves me. I have no doubts that I love him. I never believed in the shit, someone is made for you, someone is your soul mate. I looked at him that day and I knew it. Everything in the universe aligned so a backwoods boy from Ohio and a Midwest princess could love each other until the universe fell apart.  He’s my missing piece, if I ever was missing something. It is surely him. I’m his better half. He’s the quiet, reserved man. I’m the wild and crazy girl. Everything balances out. He’s so accepting of all my baggage, he asks about Jude, he talks to me about Toast, he loves me, he loves my family and friends, he loves everything that has made me who I am today. I don’t know if I could ever be so lucky about anything ever again.

So, as I type this out I am sitting in a hotel in Pittsburgh, PA. My boyfriend travels a lot for work, I follow him when I can. I’ve seen a lot of places within the past 8 weeks. I hate his job though, I’d much rather have him laying next to me every night. This is my big update..We are moving to Utah! We are moving in June. He’s getting a manager job at the airline he works for! This means us in our own home, with our dogs, and our love. I will have him every day, no more of this traveling around, drifting here and there any longer! I am so excited, I can’t wait to start our lives together. This is everything I’ve been missing. 

Just a few of my favorites of our adventures so far. <3

Well in about 45 minutes I will be 23 years old. For as long as I can remember I have feared 23 over any other age, if I make it past 23 I’ll be completely fine with growing older. I’m so fucking scared. 

My boyfriend surprised me with plane tickets for my gift. He’s flying me out to Colorado, Aspen to be exact. I can’t wait. We are leaving here in a few hours, at 4:30AM and we will be back early Wednesday morning. Just a little day trip, but that’s all we had time for. He’s so good to me. He knows I need to be reminded that there is still beautiful parts of this world that my eyes have not seen just yet. I’m off to sleep.

Fuck 23 :(

Life has been so up and down for me lately. I was dating that Jay guy for a little over a month or two. He ended up being a liar. I left him a little after Valentine’s day. I’m alright about it, it’s sad to say but I was never really attached to him, I never really loved him, and I was never actually that into him. He was a good guy, he just has a lying issue. He always tried to keep me from my friends too. I was so unhappy. I feel so much happier with life now, I’m mean really it’s sad to say it, but I am SO happy. I feel so free. He was just a bad cloud over me, so much negativity. All he did was bring me down. I’ve been talking with this guy whom I’ve known for a few years. We decided to make it official a few days ago. Things are pretty good. He’s the type of guy who can hang out with my friends and I. I don’t think he would ever hold me back from anything. I’m pretty happy. Things in my life are finally starting to look up. I start fire academy on Monday, I’m finally in shape how I want to be, my friends couldn’t get any better, great relationships with my family, things really are starting to go my way for once. I’m so happy. 

Me getting ready for Fire.My VERY best friend Kenny & I

Tonight, I won a ton of chinese finger traps.

Just a back woods boy & fairy tale princess :)

I hate it when my friends or people that I just meet even congratulate me or boast about me not having children and being 23. They think it’s, “so cool because there aren’t many girls my age child free”. This bothers me. I’m not child free. I have a child. Just because she’s gone doesn’t mean I have a free card of being a carefree young adult. So last night when a friend praised me for being one of the only girls he knows without a child, it stung. I have a child. Jude is real. I am a mother.